Category Raising children   Show all

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  Mother's Day: Preserving the inclusive mindset of children

  This blog was first published by The Dignity Project on Mother's Day 2021.

  With Mother’s Day upon us, this week’s blog is in honour of all the “mothers”, guardians and supporters. Our team has shared some of their experiences with mothers or motherhood and how to preserve and harness children’s inclusive nature.

  Jo Kek-Pamenter

  The first person I naturally wanted to speak to in writing this blog was my own mum, Judy – who, as the mother of three children (two with hearing impairments) she has plenty of lived experience. Raising children in the 1970’s and 80’s was a very different time to now, technology and societies’ attitudes towards inclusiveness were still developing and being shaped over time to what they are today – however, I always remember my mum (and dad – who is European) as being inclusive and teaching us as children to be accepting of all people. I recall my mum being friends with a person with disability who used to sell tickets for various charities in the main street named Cyril. We were very fond of visiting Cyril – he was a lovely kind man and very popular in the Dubbo community.

  My brother lost his hearing age 4, and me age 16 – and in the same way my mum interacted with Cyril, it was her desire that she would always support us as best she could, but not through special treatment. Mum did not send us toWesthaven, the local “special” school. It was her desire to encourage us to be part of the community. Mum never saw being hearing impaired as anything to worry about – we just needed a little extra support or consideration with communication, which we always received. We excelled at school, our chosen sports, hobby groups, and had many friends – and in turn, we have become confident, independent, inclusive individuals.

  However, in having such an idyllic and accepting childhood in a tight-knit and friendly country community, I was not prepared for being treated as ‘different’, which is something I experienced a lot once I moved away. My mum helped to foster an inclusive mindset about the people I interact with, but also about how to think about myself. It has been disheartening to encounter people who do not share my mindset along my journey. I am looking forward to a time in the future, when the world will naturally be more inclusive in providing a range of access and support that is normalised across society. Until then, it is my mission to speak up and disrupt. To demand inclusive environments and products that everyone can access, and I can thank my mum for helping me get me to where I am today.

  Kelsey Chapman

  When my daughter was 4, we ran into two of her day-care mates at the playground. She recognised her friends right away and ran over to one of them, saying hello and pulling them off for a play. She ignored the other child. Mortified, I called her back to ask her why she hadn't said hello to the other child. "Well mum", she said with an attitude well beyond her years, "that kid can't talk. They won't know what I am saying anyways". This other child had a disability- visible and hidden, but she knew about them from her interactions in childcare. It was in this moment, that I realised I had failed.

  You see, our children are born with the ability to accept others as they are. They are not born with pre-conceived notions or prejudices or even the language of difference. This is what we as parents, guardians and community members instil in them and show them.

  We had thought teaching acceptance and loving all people was enough. I wish I knew then what I know now. It is not enough. In order to be truly inclusive, we needed to nurture that intuitive acceptance more in our child. We needed to be more deliberate in exposing her to a diverse range of people, cultures, and experiences. We needed more books and toys in our home that represented people different to her and her brothers. We needed to choose child-care centres and schools that were more diverse and welcoming.

  I felt that I had failed. But it is never too late. It isn't something we are getting right all the time, but I am so grateful to my colleagues and friends for continuing to educate me, foster my intuition and knowledge, and support me in helping to educate the next generation.

  Justin Pamenter & Rachael Webster

  Our understanding of disability comes from education, experience, and empathy. As an educator – of importance is being empathetic to other people’s needs… “I can see what you need, I have an understanding of disability, and I know what you need to help you function to the fullest of your ability”.

  All teachers, at the start of semester, gets a list of students enrolled. That list will outline who has disability/impairment or any other needs – so when the teacher is preparing to deliver the course, they can make sure that they use their network to ensure the student gets the support they need from the very first day of learning.

  In contrast, it is also an educator’s role, particularly an early educator, to teach this to others – so being empathetic and an inclusive becomes natural behaviour. As an example, if you are taught (ideally from a young age) to fully understand and consider a range of disability and impairment, and are genuine and empathetic about supporting everyone’s needs, then you know how to work to overcome any inherent challenges, and everyone’s needs would be naturally considered and catered for, creating a more inclusive world.

  Angel Dixon

  Seven months ago, I had a baby. It’s my understanding that every new parent goes through a period of nesting, but as a person with disability there was an extra layer of planning that needed to happen even before I fell pregnant. Doctors were consulted, precautions taken, adjustments made. Then there were the practicalities of preparing for bub’s arrival; my mobility, endurance and comfort were taken into consideration when purchasing products, I practiced putting the car capsule in the car and taking it out again, then putting it on and off the pram – it was a whole big thing.

  Part of my personal preparation was also seeking consultation from other parents with similar impairments to myself on their experiences and how they navigated, not only the physical side of parenting, but also the (what I thought would be the inevitable) questions about disability that would come. What I discovered was that not one parent had ever needed to have a conversation with their children about disability. There had been some questions directed to their children in the schoolyard and on playdates, which were simply explained and accepted and that was it – because as it turns out (surprise, surprise), when children have the opportunity to experience people with disability, they don’t think too much about it and once they understand impairment and disability, it informs their behaviour for the rest of their lives.

  This is not just true for children of people with disability, it is the crux of co-design and inclusion itself. When environments and systems remove the barriers that divide us and attitudes change, when we all have the opportunity to experience each other and share in experiences together, exclusion will be a distant but important memory.

  How to:

  
  

  • Use every experience as a teaching opportunity
  • Destigmatise disability by reading inclusive and diverse storybooks (over those with non-disabled perspectives or damaging tropes)
  • Have relaxed, open and honest conversations about disability
  • Teach understanding of the diversity of impairment (visible/invisible) and acceptance (not just awareness) using experiences or themes children already understand
  • Teach your child about discrimination and human rights
  • Teach etiquette and boundaries
  • Use neutral language (where possible)
  • Avoid using words like “inspiring” or “amazing” to describe a person with disability, unless they do something truly amazing
  • Foster an understanding of peer pressure and self-acceptance
  • Encourage inclusive and diverse groups (school, sport, social, friendship groups)
  • Modelling of appropriate behaviour – Lead from the front and by example (examine your own behaviour)
  • Avoid using pejoratives that derive from medical terminology e.g. “lame”, “retarded” etc.